


Kevin Price, what am I going to do with you?

by Potest_de_art



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, No Smut, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 08:32:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14076993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potest_de_art/pseuds/Potest_de_art
Summary: Connor can't get over his crush on Kevin, who it seems is having some sort of breakdown





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: There's gonna be some talk about mental health, dp/dr specifically but that;s all

It has been exactly four weeks since the mission president witnessed that godawful play of the Ugandans, and Connor doesn't know what to do with himself. He's still frantically trying to contact the Church, but he doesn't know if he ever will. There is so much to worry about, yet so much that feels right.

Kevin convinced them all to stay, and even though he started his speech with some strong language, everyone agreed with him: staying is the best option. It wasn't until recently that the elders actually understood how badly the Ugandan people needed help, and how they could actually give it to them. Elder Cunningham had explained how Christian missionaries visited every Christmas and left without changing anything about the situation. This is why he made up all those ridiculous stories. Connor had to admit, that boy has a heart of gold. They were all there to see how heartbroken he was when Nabulungi thought he was trying to fool her. But now, things are going to change. Starting with Kevin Price. 

Connor shifts in his chair as he reads through his file again, Kevin Price, the so-called supermormon. He sure wasn't what Connor had expected. He was self-centred, had a crisis of faith, and just an overall mess. Sure, he's handsome, but he has a lot to learn. Connor thinks back to when he first arrived, he was very disturbed. Of course, the elders had all tried to cheer him up, but now he sees their whole "turn it off" approach was wrong. Still, elder Price was shaken, and Connor can't help but feel a bit sorry for him. His whole life he had been told he was great, and he really was. But then he came to Uganda and his whole world changed. None of the elders had been to such a place before, but elder Price really believed he could baptize the Ugandans like it was a piece of cake. To come to the place that was supposed to be comforting and be told there were zero baptisms must have been... disappointing (to say the least). Now that they have been separated from the Church they have to figure out their new roles, and it's been hard. Elder Cunningham was quick to assume the role of prophet, but he also wants to contact his family to ask for medical supplies, so far it has gotten them little. Many of the other elders have taken the task of informing the villagers on helpful information, but elder Price just seems lost. Maybe it's time to confront him. So Connor ends up walking to the lake, where elder Price is absentmindedly skipping rocks on the reflection of the descending sun. 

"Hello, elder Price" Connor starts. It seems elder Price was deep in thoughts since his head jerks up and he looks like a deer in headlights. 

"Is something wrong, elder McKinley?" His tie is messily thrown over his shoulder, and he has bags under his eyes. Connor's eyebrows furrow in slight worry, how much has he been sleeping? He reminds himself to ask elder Cunningham about this later. 

"I was checking up on you, and I wanted to talk to you about recent developments here." Elder Price must have been thinking about this too, as he starts to fidget nervously with his shirt. Connor continues: "Most of the elders seem to have taken on a role in the village, but if I'm correct you haven't." A slow nod. Connor waits for a second but elder Price doesn't explain so he adds: "Is there a specific reason why?" Elder Price takes a deep breath. 

"I'm really sorry- it's just, I- 've been having trouble seeing where I fit in. And to be honest, I haven't been doing great lately." His fidgeting is getting worse, and he averts his gaze from Connor, instead choosing to look at his shoes. "I've been feeling strange, and I'm not sure how to explain it and-" A knot forms in Connor's stomach; he sounds like he's going to cry. 

"Kevin..." He jerks up at hearing his first name, his eyes look glossy. "You can tell me anything. I'm here for you, anytime." Connor puts his hand on Kevin's shoulder because, darn it, seeing him like this is horrible. Kevin just breaks, and tries to stifle a sob, but gives up and hugs Connor, his shoulders shaking heavily. Connor pats his back and sighs, this is going to be harder than expected. His crush on Kevin still hasn't disappeared and it seems that he is now in charge of fixing a broken boy.


	2. -

Kevin quietly sobs into Connor's shoulders, and Connor doesn't know what to do. kevin Price, someone deemed to be so flawless and confident, crying. Connor never knew he was feeling this way, and he wishes he could have asked for his help sooner. So he just quietly rubs circles into Kevin's back and waits. After Kevin has calmed down he starts explaining: 

"Ever since I went to the general's camp, I've been questioning things, everything. When I'm around other people, I can pretend to be sure, or shrug it off. But when I'm alone I can't help but think about all the things I can't explain. I had a crisis of faith. I even drank coffee! And I was being so selfish in wanting to fix all the hurt around me, I pushed my companion away. After the mission president's visit, I told myself it was all going to be fine and we were staying and accepting ourselves but I'm not fine. And I don't know why." 

"Kevin, could you elaborate? I'm afraid I don't fully understand what's going on." Connor was feeling so utterly confused and concerned for Kevin, he wanted to make him feel better, only he didn't know how. 

"I keep wondering if I'm not a good Mormon, what am I then? All I ever wanted to be was the Mormon who changed the world. I wanted to make my parents proud, wanted them to see my potential. Ever since I arrived here, I've done nothing but make mistakes. I don't know where to go from here or what I will do when I get home. I feel like I've lost my identity. ...I'm sorry for bothering you with this." He mumbled the last sentence, avoiding looking at Connor. Connor couldn't believe what he was hearing. Bothering him? 

"Kevin you're not bothering me at all, I am your district leader. I want to help you, and together we can make you feel alright again, do you understand that?" Kevin quietly nodded and wiped his eyes. He looked ridiculously tired. "Why don't you come to my room tomorrow? You've got my permission to stay in bed past the regular time. You look exhausted, and I want you to be well-rested tomorrow. I want to support you, in whatever this may be." Connor thought that for an instant he saw a hint of anxiety in Kevin's eyes, and wondered again if he lacked sleep. Knowing Kevin, he probably did. 

Kevin swallowed and then said: "Thank you so much elder McKinley. I'm glad I opened up to you," then he added softly "and you can talk to me about anything as well?" He smiled hesitantly as to say: I'm not sure if we're friends yet, but I trust you and I hope you trust me. He looked a lot better, even though his eyes were still red and puffy. Connor nodded, beaming, and answered: "I'll keep that in mind, thank you, Kevin. And it's Connor, by the way." 

"Connor? That's a nice name." And boy did Connor like hearing Kevin say his name. It's like he was an actual person instead of a title. Kevin holds his hand in front of Connor. "Nice to meet you, Connor!" They shake hands. 

"A pleasure, Kevin."


	3. -

After Kevin's little breakdown the boys decided to head to the mission hut. By then it was late, and they needed the rest. Connor made some tea (a mild alternative to coffee) and gave some to Kevin. He then sat down at the table to reflect. He could never have imagined that Kevin felt this way. He must have been really good at hiding his feelings if even elder Cunningham never approached Connor about it. But knowing Kevin Price, he never exposed his flaws to anyone. He was so used to being the best at everything that he never accepted his struggles and kept fighting. Connor glanced over at the couch, where Kevin was fast asleep, still with the tea in his hand. It was at that moment that Connor McKinley concluded there was nothing he wouldn't do for Kevin Price. 

The next day, Kevin appears in Connor's room at 10 AM. He still looks somewhat tired, but the bags under his eyes are less noticeable. "Hello, Connor." He starts the conversation with a small smile. "Thank you for letting me stay in bed a little longer today, I really needed it." 

"I could tell. Now, I wanted to talk to you about what's been going on, but it's completely okay if you don't feel up to it yet. We can talk about anything you want." Kevin seems to appreciate that, as his shoulders lower a bit and he sighs shortly. "I also saved this doughnut for you since you missed breakfast, maple glazing is your favourite right?" Connor hands the doughnut to Kevin, who chuckles awkwardly. 

"Yes actually, when I was little I loved them so much I ate one when I wasn't supposed to. I even had a hell dream about it. It's actually one of the only two hell dreams I've ever had." And Connor can't help but wonder again- was he in the second one? He had asked for some reason that was beyond him, but Kevin had just awkwardly looked at him and said nothing. And to be honest, that could mean a lot of things. Sometimes Connor hopes that maybe, just maybe, Kevin reciprocates his feelings. But so far that has just been wishful thinking. Still, he notices the little moments when they brush arms and Kevin's breath hitches a little and he keeps hoping. 

"I wish I'd only have two hell dreams in my whole life, but that's not gonna happen." After it leaves his mouth he realises how pathetic that sounds, but he can't take it back. He knows the elders are all for letting their feeling out now, but Connor knows his problem is a little more complicated than that. It takes a lot of time to get rid of years worth of internalised homophobia, especially as a Mormon. His hell dreams have been getting less, though, and he couldn't be happier. 

"Do you still have nightly hell dreams?" Kevin sounds surprised, it seems Connor has also mastered the skill of hiding his emotions. He shakes his head and explains: 

"No, I don't. Of course, I still have hell dreams more than the average person, but they have been getting better. You don't have to be concerned." He wishes he'd said that last sentence with a little more confidence, but Kevin seems relieved and bites into his doughnut. They sit together in a comfortable silence, both eating their meals. Kevin drops a piece of his doughnut and bends down to clean it up, but Connor does the same, and their heads collide. They both yelp loudly and jump up, clutching their foreheads. Before Connor can look up he suddenly feels Kevin's hands on his shoulders and he nearly stops breathing. "Ohmygosh Connor are you okay?! I really didn't mean to hurt you I'm so sorry, do you need some ice?". Oh boy, Kevin is extremely close to his face and Connor feels himself heat up in embarrassment. He still feels his headache, but he's more worried about how flushed his face is. He slowly steps back and rubs his head once more before answering. 

"No Kevin, I'm okay. Thank you, though. I guess we shouldn't have rushed to pick that piece up, huh?" They both giggle at the situation, and then Kevin falls silent, straightening his back. 

"I'll just pick it up if that's okay. Sorry for getting the floor dirty." He shrugs with an apologetic face and gets rid of the doughnut. Connor feels slightly guilty for not cleaning it up, it's his room after all. 

"There's nothing to feel sorry for, I should have cleaned it up." They share a humble smile and start clearing the table.Connor glances over at Kevin, and they make eye contact, so Kevin flashes him a sincere smile. Connor's heart definitely skips a beat, but he takes a deep breath and gathers some files. 

"Now, let's see what to do with you, shall we?"


	4. -

The boys sit down at Connor's desk, with several files in between them. Kevin looks at them eagerly because he has never seen them before, but to Connor, they are very familiar. The files contain all the information of the village and the conditions that the elders need to change. For example: "There is a lack of water. I figured you might want to help, but multiple elders are already occupied with this. What job do you think you might be good at?"

"I like working with people, but I'm not sure what exactly that includes." Suddenly Connor has an idea. 

"What about teaching the children? We could start a program to fill them in on things school hasn't taught them yet! I think this would be an excellent way of preventing bad situations." This suggestion seems to please Kevin. 

"That sounds wonderful! I have a little brother, so I know how to handle children. I'd also love to help them have safer lives, this is going to be awesome." A large smile appears on his face at the idea of helping the villagers. They both look forward to setting up the program, so Connor pulls out a notebook. He jots down a few things to remember and then looks up at Kevin, who has resorted to playing with his tie. 

"You know Kevin, this is gonna be incredible. I'm sure of it." He says, trying to assure Kevin this is going to work out. Judging by the way his face lights up, it worked. "Now let's see, what lessons should we teach the children, and do you have any other ideas?" 

"What about self-defence? We could also organise classes for the adult population here, mostly on prevention of diseases." 

"That sounds excellent, I'm going to contact the school and discuss our plans. In the meantime, you can ask the other elders for some ideas. I'm sure there are some great ones we missed." And with a nod, Kevin leaves Connor's office. 

"Hey Arnold," he says, walking into their room "Want to hear about something new Con- elder McKinley and I just came up with?" The corners of Arnold's mouth go up a little at his slip up, but he chooses to ignore it. 

"Boy would I! We just got done writing letters asking for water filters and I could really do with some variation, I just kept talking about Star Wars, but none of the other elders cared so I got bored." Kevin patiently waits for Arnold to finish, and then he starts explaining.

"We're going to start a program for the children to teach them everything school won't! There will also be classes for the adults. In fact, we were wondering if you had some ideas?" 

"That's so awesome! I'm sure we can come up with something, my brain is filled with ideas already! Do you think they like Lord of the Rings? Because I could definitely go somewhere with that." Arnold keeps rambling, but Kevin stops listening after about ten seconds. His best ideas normally appear at the end of a rant anyway. He still can't believe Connor was so nice to him, after his terrible first impression. 

Kevin can honestly say there's nothing he regrets more than his behaviour back then. But now Connor is really trying to make things better with him, and he's incredibly glad. Before the mission president visited, he and Connor never truly got to talk. He was either running off to save the day or Connor was too occupied fixing everything around him. But he can see now, Connor is a wonderful person. Sometimes Kevin worries he might think Connor is a little too wonderful, but then he decides that's a problem for another day, and continues with whatever he's doing in complete denial.

"Kevin? Kevin, buddy, come back to me!" A hand waving in his face makes Kevin realise Arnold was talking to him and he totally missed it.

"Hm? Oh, sorry Arnold I spaced out there. What were you saying?" 

"You do that a lot hm?" Kevin nods, but spacing out is actually not exactly the right term, it's more like his soul leaving his body. 

"Anyway, I was trying to tell you about something that might be nice for elder McKinley too, but there might be some... complications." 

Now he's got Kevin's attention.


	5. -

"I think it might be time for us to reconsider our views on homosexuality." This was the last thing Kevin expected to hear.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Well, I've been watching the news and looking into politics- I know, politics! I'm going insane of boredom- And I saw just how homophobic they are, and then I thought to myself: How have we been treating gay people? I mean, what harm are they really doing? And then I thought: if God wants men and women to be together, why does he even create gay thoughts? It didn't make any sense to me! So I started thinking more, and maybe we should think about being more accepting. What do you think?" Well, Kevin had to admit, it made sense.

"So what are you saying?"

"I'm saying maybe we should inform everyone! I'm sure it would make people feel safer. Like Mafala said; the police is a two-day drive away, so I'm sure no one will be arrested." Kevin thought about it for a second. He actually saw what Arnold was going for, and it wasn't a bad idea.

"You know what buddy? That's a great idea! I'll discuss it with elder McKinley as soon as possible." This is going to be so much more interesting than he expected.

-

"Hello, Connor!" Kevin starts the conversation. They had just finished dinner and as usual, someone finished all the Poptarts they were supposed to save for breakfast. He feels slightly nervous because he doesn't know how Connor is going to react. But he feels somewhat calmer when he sees how happy the redhead is too see him.

"Hi there, Kevin! So, did you gather some ideas from the other elders?"

"Yes, actually! Everyone had at least one idea, but I wanted to talk to you about something elder Cunningham suggested." Connor begins to sigh.

"You told him we weren't going to teach them about Star Wars, right? Because-"

"That's not what I was going to tell you about!" Kevin quickly interrupts him. "He actually had an idea that I thought might be a little daring, but after consideration, it seemed like something really good." Connor perks up.

"Well then, what did he tell you?"

"So it might seem crazy, but he actually said we should do a lesson on the LGBT community." Connor's eyes go wide and his eyebrows seem to raise so far they might fly off his face. "Before you say anything, let me explain further. The police are a two-day drive away so no one will get arrested. And we've already started to stop turning it off, remember? I don't see why we shouldn't try to be more accepting." He shrugs to make things a little more casual. When he looks at Connor, he can see the internal struggle. One side is years of Mormon beliefs and turning it off, the other side is him wanting to be accepted and free to live his life how he wants to.

"I... see what you mean. I'm sorry, it's just a bit much to all take in. How do you think the other elders would react?"

"I think we might be able to convince them. I'm sure that they'll understand, they're already used to not following the rules. They stay up past curfew, leave their mission companion alone, and more." Slowly, confidence washes over the two.

"Kevin, I could kiss you right now!" Sure, Kevin thinks, I'd be surprisingly okay with that. But he doesn't say it. "This is going to be great! We are finally going to change something." They both think about how far they've come and shily smile at each other. Then Connor walks to the door. "I'll write a message asking everyone to come to the dining room at seven AM tomorrow. Should we let elder Cunningham do he talking? He came up with it, it would only be fair."

"I think he'd love to, I'll tell him right now." But before he has the chance to leave Connor grabs his wrist.

"I can't tell you how thankful I am, Kevin. Really, since you two arrived here my life has changed forever."

"You know what, Connor? I think I might prefer this over Orlando" And it's true. He might be a mess, but he'd rather have this than be Supermormon. Connor smirks.

"You keep surprising me, Kevin Price."

-

"Arnold, buddy! Where are you?"

"Over here!" A muffled voice answers from underneath the covers. He must be reading The Hobbit again. "How'd it go?"

"He loved the idea! And tomorrow at seven in the morning you get to tell everyone." Arnold lifts the covers just high enough for his head to be visible, and he grins at Kevin.

"Well I am a prophet aren't I?" They sit in a comfortable silence for a moment.

"Oh, and Arnold?"

"What is it best friend?" A pause.

"I think I might like elder McKinley?"


End file.
